Building a Godly Marriage: Four Keys to Lasting Love
Marriage is a beautiful journey, but it's not always an easy one. As we embark on this lifelong commitment, we promise to love, honor, and cherish our spouse "from this day forward." But what does it really take to live out that promise every day?
The Bible tells us that God created marriage, and He's given us the keys for how to make it thrive. Today, we'll explore four biblical keys to a godly marriage: uniting, loving, submitting, and understanding. Whether you're in a traditional marriage, a blended family, or single, these principles are foundational for building relationships that honor God and bless those around us.
1. Uniting
Genesis presents a profound truth about relationships: "It is not good for man to be alone" (Genesis 2:18). God created us for companionship, for partnership in fulfilling His purposes. When a husband and wife unite—emotionally, spiritually, and physically—they become a powerful force, able to fulfill God's intentions not just for themselves but for His larger plan.
Unity in marriage requires intentionality. It starts by making time together a priority, elevating your spouse above work, friends, and even ministry. Simple acts like a weekly date night or daily check-ins become meaningful reminders of your commitment. Communication is crucial; honest conversations and truly listening deepen understanding and make both partners feel valued.
Prayer is perhaps the most powerful unifying force. When couples bring their hopes, fears, and gratitude before God together, it centers their relationship on Him. As you pray, God knits your hearts together, strengthening your bond in ways only He can.
2. Loving
While many marriage resources focus on husbands loving their wives, the call to "love as Christ loved" is for all believers. Jesus said, "Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other" (John 13:34). This sacrificial, unconditional love is the model we're all called to follow in our marriages.
Romans 5:8 reminds us, "But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners." Christ loved us not because of what He would receive, but because it was right. This is the standard for our marriages—loving each other consistently, with grace and sacrifice, even when it's difficult.
Practically, this might mean choosing a gentle response over a defensive one when your spouse is upset. It could be surprising them with a small act of kindness or taking on a task they usually handle. Real love is more about persistence than perfection. Even small, consistent steps can bridge gaps, soften hearts, and build a marriage that reflects Christ's love.
3. Submitting
Submission in marriage often stirs up misunderstandings, but God's design for submission is mutual—a spirit of service and respect for one another. Ephesians 5:21 calls us to "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ."
This mutual submission means respecting each other's strengths and letting each other's gifts shine. It's about looking for ways to serve, whether by taking on a task or offering encouragement. It means yielding in small conflicts, letting harmony take precedence over "winning" the point.
For husbands, submission looks like loving their wives "as Christ loved the Church"—sacrificially and humbly. For wives, it means supporting and respecting their husbands, trusting that God can work through their husband's role as head of the marriage. Both partners are called to serve each other with love and submission, reflecting the relationship between Christ and the Church.
4. Understanding
Real understanding in marriage goes beyond generalizations about gender differences. It's about truly knowing your spouse as a unique individual. 1 Peter 3:7 instructs, "Husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together."
Understanding means knowing how your spouse communicates and adapting to it. It's being aware of the topics and concerns they're sensitive about and approaching delicate issues with care. It's recognizing what brings them joy and showing interest in their passions, even if they're not your own.
Living with understanding takes time, but it's essential to a thriving, God-honoring marriage. When you approach your spouse with genuine empathy, it deepens trust and strengthens the bond God intended in marriage.
A Word for Blended Families
Blended marriages face unique challenges, such as parent-child allegiance and lingering memories from previous relationships. However, applying these four keys—uniting, loving, submitting, and understanding—can help overcome these barriers. With God's guidance, you can build a strong, Christ-centered foundation for your blended family.
To blended families: build unity through intentional time together. Let your children see your marriage as a source of peace and stability. Embrace love with grace, giving each other room to grow and heal. Practice mutual submission, listening and honoring each other's needs. Seek understanding by showing empathy for each other's unique situations.
Hope for All Families
Throughout Scripture, we see God blessing all sorts of families. He didn't just look for "perfect" families—He worked with real people, broken people, people with real histories. He chose them, loved them, and used them to show His power and grace. Today, God is still working through every kind of family, whether traditional, blended, single, or single-parent homes.
If yours is a traditional marriage, be encouraged that as you follow God's design, you're building a legacy. If you're in a blended family, know that you're not a second thought. God sees your story and knows the road you've traveled. To singles, you're part of God's family too, and you're essential to the church family!
God's heart is for you, no matter your family story. He's inviting each of us to trust His design, to let His love shape our lives, and to know that as we seek Him, He is faithful to bless us. We're all part of a family lineage that finds its fulfillment in Christ, the One who brings us all together and unites us as children of God.
As we embrace these four keys—uniting, loving, submitting, and understanding—we build marriages and families that reflect God's love to the world. May we trust in His design, knowing that His love and grace are with us—yesterday, today, and forever.
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